Writing under pseudonyms always pleased me, as few people would read it and the few who read it would be most unlikely to know who's behind the words. I was afraid of two things: recognition and criticism. I always wanted to write for my own peace. It was therapeutic. Writing helped me ease my pains. I really wonder now, though, whether it was therapeutic at all if nobody read it.
My perspective changed for a lot of reasons. If I don't get a single piece of criticism or recognition, I wouldn't ever know whether there were other angles to the same topic. I would be ego-centric. I would hate to be interrupted (something that happened frequently off late). I would never see the other side of things: the beautiful side or the ugly side, depending on which way you look at it.
Writing is a conversation. I do not talk to my friends about my problems, my pains. But, I write. If I was really positive about what I always wrote, I would always have written under my name. So, it's not really recognition that I am worried about; it's criticism. I faked the attitude that recognition would take the spirit off my writing and for the same reason, I said I didn't need recognition. I said, I was afraid that once people started reading me, I would write for their satisfaction, rather than mine. What I was really running away from, was criticism. Writing for my own peace, showing my anger to none but me, I've failed to differentiate what I am really inside and what I look like on the outside.
Writers need criticism. At the end of criticism is recognition. And, without recognition, a writer hasn't tread one step beyond himself. Without recognition, he has only managed to please himself. Writing for the masses, as I wish to take up now, requires commitment and discipline. I'm known to be lethargic and it is quite possible that I won't write regularly. But, when one writes under his own name, he has to be bothered about his self-esteem and he must know that he is not anybody else but himself, right then.
With that rather challenging thought, I woke up this morning and ate the words of my past, with bitterness. Who would want to admit his mistake after propounding it for so long?
The point is, I must. I haven't really thought about the periodicity of my writing. But, let's say this for now: I certainly hope to meet you at regular intervals and I would like to share my thoughts. Criticism or recognition, do not fail to write back. Good day, Good night!
Suhail Rasheed
2 comments:
it was a good start!!keep goin...
you should keep writing dear...like you said for the public...i promise to read...
thank you, dear...
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